


No Judgment Clause

by Arytra



Category: Power Rangers
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 16:51:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1395151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arytra/pseuds/Arytra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone needs a friend to talk to when they do something they regret who won't judge them.  Unfortunately for Rita, she's that friend for Divatox.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Judgment Clause

They were horrible, evil dictators of doom. They had both been causing trouble for the galaxy for years. There were planets that literally whimpered at their names. So why was Divatox, one of the two, so much trouble and why did Rita continue to take her calls. All of this ran through Rita’s head as she picked up the phone. “Rita? It’s D.”

“What now?” Rita asked, trying not to groan. “I don’t know how to get rid of the brats…”

“It’s not over that!” Divatox quickly assured her and Rita felt even more wary about the whole conversation.

“Then what’s it over?” Rita asked with more than a little hesitation.

“Do you remember when we agreed to not judge each other’s ideas?” Divatox asked. “Because I’m invoking that.”

“In Evil’s name, what have you done?!” Rita asked, now fully awake and slipping out of her room. She may have made the promise, but Zedd hadn’t and Rita was not in the mood to hear about her failure to pick decent, evil, half-way intelligent friends.

“I wanted to see what Earth had that other planets didn’t. Why it was so hard to beat,” Divatox said quickly. Rita tried not to sigh.

“Humans. It has more humans. And those obnoxious animals that pant and try to lick you,” Rita said.

“Dogs?” Divatox asked.

“Sure,” Rita answered, not about to care if that was correct or not. “So, what happened after that?”

“I had a few drinks,” Divatox continued.

“A few?” Rita asked. “How many is a few? And of what?”

“Six. And I think they were called ‘Long Island Ice Teas’,” she answered.

“First off, six is several. Second, you drank how much?!” Rita asked, quickly biting her tongue afterward to try to not wake up her husband. She ran a hand over her growing belly and wished that her baby wouldn’t judge her either. Though, she was pretty sure her offspring was more judging her for getting out of bed than talking to Divatox. She wouldn’t blame it if it was. She was starting to judge herself for talking to Divatox.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time!” Divatox whimpered. Rita fought to get her temper under control. Mostly because she didn’t feel like going out and murdering both Divatox and the bartender who was stupid enough to give the pirate that much. “And when was the last time alcohol affected me that much?”

“Our university days,” Rita answered, thinking back to Evil University. Where had her life gone wrong from there?

“Anyway,” Divatox said, obviously trying to ignore her. “That was when I met Frank.”

“Divatox!” Rita called out. “You did not sleep with a human, did you?”

“Just one.”

“That’s disgusting!”

“I know! I know! But, uh, it gets worse,” Divatox said. “I think I might be pregnant.”

Rita was silent. After a minute, she finally spoke up. “Did you take a test?”

“I’m afraid to,” Divatox whined. Rita rolled her eyes. When she’d found out she was pregnant, she’d handled it in fine evil fashion. She’d done the customary swearing out of the husband, the throwing of expensive items, and the ridiculous orders toward the lackeys. Both her father and Divatox’ mother had been impressed. She certainly hadn’t whined.

“There’s only one way to know if you are, you twit,” Rita snarled, temper completely gone.

“No Judgment Clause!” Divatox screeched back. Rita bit down again.

“Go take the test,” she said, slightly less growly. “If it’s positive, we’ll go on an evil rampage together. If it’s not, I can get back to sleep.”

“A big rampage?” Divatox asked, sounding both uncertain and hopeful. Rita forced back a rude comment and brought forth a smile. After tonight, she could use a rampage.

“The biggest we can,” she assured her. “Go.”

The line went dead and Rita took a seat, rubbing her forehead. She was very much hoping Divatox was just overreacting as usual. If she wasn’t she was going to hunt down this ‘Frank’ and make him pay. She might anyway. Even evil ancient witches knew that having sex with someone under the influence wasn’t right. She was pretty sure she could even get Zordon or Dimitria or whoever was in charge to agree with her on this one. At the least, she should be able to get the female Rangers to agree with her if she pulled the ‘I’m pregnant and tired’ card. She was broken out of her thoughts when the phone rang.

“Rita?”

“Yes, D?” Rita asked.

“I’m not pregnant,” she said, relief in her voice.

“Good. Go to sleep and blow something up tomorrow,” Rita suggested. “Preferably something that Frank is in.”

“Thanks a mil, Rita!” Divatox said and hung up leaving Rita grumbling as she made her way back to bed. She climbed in and looked over to see Zedd looking back at her in amusement. Rita just pulled the blankets over her head.

“Zedd! I want Caller ID!” She snapped. Zedd, in a rare show of affection, pulled her to him.

“We’ll get some in the morning.”

“I want new friends too.”

“We’ll try not to avoid anymore Evil Meetings then.”

“…I love you.”

“Go to sleep, Rita.”


End file.
